[attr="class","hopelovetitle"]PERSONALITY

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If this form is going to be filled out, it's going to be filled out accurately, without the stupid misinterpretation by stupid doctors who don't even have a degree in psychology! It's gonna be filled out by me! After all, who knows me better than myself? I'm quite conscious of myself, thank you very much. I've got insight on me more than anyone else! Obviously, I should make be the one filling out this bothersome form. Not only I should, but I'm the only one qualified to do so, so there![break][break]

When I reflect upon my life to this point, I realize two quintessential points that have shaped my personality, and as a result, my life.[break][break]

1. I don't take pleasure in upsetting others, contrary to popular belief. Reaching back to the farthest pits in my memory, I confirm a subconscious suspicion. I practically lived on the satisfaction and praise of others during my younger years. (Of course, I've weaned off that since.) It changed by childhood by isolating me from my classmates. To this day, it is a battle of whether I ought to endeavor the approval of others or not. I'm inclined to seek approval, but an active voice corals me away from the easier inclination.
2. I'm not sure if my observational skills are a curse or a blessing. God knows how many scrapes I've managed to evade with the power of observation on my side. But it is those same life-saving skills that landed me in the earthly representation of hell. I emulated the behavior of the adults around me. They were the standards. I didn't interact with other kids until I was five or six, so I didn't understand that socializing with children was a completely new ball game as opposed to chatting with adults. This probably isn't making too much sense yet, so just wait a second. I'll connect the dots down below.

[attr="class","hopelovetitle"]HISTORY

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I guess I should start off with what everyone really wants to know about: my background.[break][break]

I was born in the suburbs of China. We weren't rich, per say, but we could still afford luxuries here and there. We were a normal, middle-class family. We lived in a nice and tidy little apartment. I didn't make a mess. I would usually just find a spoon or something simple like that and fiddle with it for hours. No matter, the landlord would often yell at my parents. Not in a mean way, I don't think, but more of an exhausted yet somewhat amusing way. Even though the apartment was always so messy, the landlord seemed to be genuinely fond of our family. Sure, we did most of the cleaning up, but details, details. He wasn't terrible. Just a bit too irritated. You see, I had four older and rowdy brothers. They were a delight.[break][break]

As the youngest of five ambition children, I was always competing for the spotlight. I learned to drive forward from my brothers. If I were to be even eligible to compete against my brothers, I had to loose that gentle persona of mine. Well, the one that feared I'd break something fragile. I became somewhat ruthless. I learned to grab what I wanted before anyone else. I enjoyed the attention adults provided. Observing how my parents interacted with adults, I developed a comparably more mature attitude than the rest of my peers at a faster rate. I'd impress teachers, but my peers? They resented me. My peers were not the ones I wanted to impress: adults were. Being use to a responsible environment, school came as a surprise to me. (I believe I was five or six when I started school.) I only treated them the way they acted: like children.[break][break]

On my eighth birthday, we moved to California. I was the weak foreign kid who couldn't speak English to save her life. But I was never picked on. Just excluded. Isolated. At home, my parents were pushing me. Pushing me towards the future. The future that I could not see. I desperately clung to what I knew of my childhood. I was scared, even if I wouldn't admit it. I was scared because all I could see was- I couldn't see a thing. Failure. I'd be a failure. My parents saw otherwise. They believed I could pass through school quickly. They believed I could start early on in life. I couldn't disappoint them, so I allowed myself to be carried away. Carried away through 6th to 9th (I skipped 7th and 8th grade one year). Carried away through course after course. Carried away through test after test. Carried away through paper after paper. Carried away by the raging winds of life. I almost lost myself in those wild tornadoes. Almost.[break][break]

I guess in one sense I really did lose myself- why else would I be in this ridiculous school? The pressure became too much. I couldn't cope with it alone. Every day, I endured this terrible feeling- a terrible feeling that grew stronger and stronger as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. It started small, almost unnoticeable, and perfectly bearable. It morphed into something terrible. Prickly and nauseating. That's the best I can describe the feeling. It grew considerably in a short month. It wasn't just this slightly uncomfortable feeling. It became queasy and frightening. It grew to the point that I avoided people as best as I could. They were the trigger. I only had the feeling when people were around. If I even noticed one person too near to me (3-5 meters distance) I'd launch into a panic. I guess it was a sign of how frightened I was of people. Even now I have that feeling. It won't go away, but it can be pacified. That's why I became so addicted to my computer.[break][break]

My computer was like a comforting blanket. Said comforting blanket was also the reason I'm here. Mainly. It's probably only half. Or one-third?[break][break]

It started out minor. I had an interest in coding. So I learned to code. I started this during my tenth year of living. I did simple things. Small things. It helped me cope with stress. It was my partner-in-crime. It allowed me to hide my anxiety. Well, it couldn't support all of my emotions for long. Not the small things anyways. So I moved on to larger things. I began coding whole websites. Well, pretty soon I had gone into the more illegal side of coding. Hacking. I wasn't a bad kid. I was a desperate kid. I tried to be discreet, but discreet never really comforted my anxieties. So I went big. It was my only method of comfort. Of peace. Now, in order to explain how I was found out, I must move on with my whole life story.[break][break]

One day it became too much for me to handle. I couldn't take it. I- her! She! The snake. The snake that tormented only me finally struck at someone else. It was her fault. Her fault for screaming in my face. She stirred the snake. She woke it up. It was all her fault! All of it was her fault! She's the reason I'm here. Or, she was (she's dead). The snake didn't want to let her go either. It tightened its grip on her. Shhh, it whispered. I imagine the sickly smile of a typical snake. I'm frightened too. I'm frightened of the snake as well. I'm frightened of the mess I've landed myself in. All I can do is run. Run away.[break][break]



The snake comes back a month later. With it, a massive force of wretched fire. It followed her. She's got the same smile as the snake- was she infected by the snake? It scares me. I want to to run, but she won't let me. She opens her mouth and taunts me. She says she's not scared of me. She'll do whatever she likes and she's going to tell the world the truth. She confessed a revelation came to her during her dreams. She's obviously lying. That slight pause indicates her lie. That doesn't matter to me though. That's not the part the snake cares about either. The snake leaped and tackled her. It wrapped its body around her. It squeezed. Her eyes popped out. She struggled. Too bad, the snake is stronger. I let it happen. I couldn't do a thing else. The snake listens to no one, and it has something it must protect.[break][break]



The police discovered a dead girl in a dumpster. I should have known they might find fingerprints (they did). They searched through our entire house for some reason. They discovered my hobby unfortunately. I was dragged through the federal law court. Too young. Barely thirteen. Just a mental child who was in serious need of therapy, they decided. Instead of therapy though, I got to live in this wonderful academy. Don't ask me how they reached that desicion. Even I, who has studied psychology, can't understand the minds of law enforcers. Although... It probably has something to do with a large sum of money.[break][break]

So there you go. My whole life story. Now be content and go away.

[attr="class","hopelovetitle"]GRADES

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PLAYED BY SUNFLOWER

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[b]HETALIA, taiwan[/b] as [i]min xu[/i]